I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
