You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
