I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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