Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
