I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
