I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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