Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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