How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm bleeding and have questions
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
