omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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