my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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