Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
