It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
