We're like a lot better than the average bears
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize