I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize