just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
this boner is exhausting
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize