i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize