i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
