fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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