My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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