You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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