Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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