OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
