Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
