so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
