well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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