I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
