We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
