Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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