i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
