so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
