There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
there's paper in my vomit.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
