So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
