I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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