Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
