Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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