I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
