Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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