I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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