Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Randomize
