I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
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