I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
