for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
