so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
