All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize