My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Two words: blizzard sex
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
