I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You are the jesus of drinking
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
