is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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