i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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