did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
