Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
