just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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