guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
