I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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