Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
