I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
