great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
