I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
this will be a night to untag.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
