He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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