So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize
