my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
