If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
