There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize