Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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