Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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