I'm lost and stupid without you.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
