ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
