dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Are we still banned from the library?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
